We wash it, layer it and maintain it
It’s anyway lifeless


Thoughts that keep me awake

I have these pieces of places, things, situations centering around you embedded firmly within the deep corners of my mind; though not as deep as I would like it to be, I guess, because they keep popping out and hurting me with their jagged corners. I guess everyone will have a different reason as to why they like you, why they love you. They will love and like their version of you.

My version of you consists of the boy who’d run up to me and carry my bag for me, the boy who allowed me to hold his hand while we watched a horror movie and knowingly or unknowingly traced patterns on my palm with his fingers while he did that. To me you’re the boy who waited outside the bus to help me get down while I was struggling with a heavy bag, the one who waited with me after class till someone came to pick me up despite being so tired, sleepy and hungry, just so I wouldn’t be alone. You are the 25 year old kid who would draw on my arms with a pen to annoy me, and the one who tried to kiss my hand out of the blue inside a crowded bar while not even drunk. And I’m the girl who laughed and pulled her hand away because she did not expect someone like you would want to kiss the hand of someone like me. I have these little bits and pieces of you that I have unconsciously glued together to create the guy that I have slowly come to fall in love with. If I were to know the real you with all the cracks and scars that we all hide within ourselves, would I see you differently, would I love you differently or even more, or would I love you at all…

In death

All these dreams, hopes and desires
Turn into ashes one day
My thoughts of you
My love for you
Whatever little of it that shall remain by then
But will remain, nevertheless
Will float out into the atmosphere
in miniscule grey particles
uniting with a universe far greater,
Far beyond the grasp of any one of us,
And there remain
Forever carrying my unspoken thoughts of you
Making the vast skies evermore beautiful