Protected: Midnight musings

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The Wedding

If you only knew
I was looking at the back of your head
Two tables away
As Ed Sheeran thought out loud
And I wondered maybe
You know,
If it was just the touch of your hand
That inexplicably linked me to your very being

If all else fail, write

I see love all around me
Passionate, meaningful love
A girl is pursued fervently,
Until she finally gives in
A guy is torn between choosing two girls
Who do not care that he’s an amputee
And want his love despite

I yearn to be loved deeply
To be pursued by someone who thinks I’m worth everything he’ll have to give up to be with
To be called beautiful by someone who actually means it
To be looked at like I’m everything he’s been waiting for
To have my first kiss and get knocked off my feet
To be loved like any other girl despite being less than perfect

All the times that I thought I’d found it
That I thought guy number three is genuinely interested in me
And not leading me along
It ended the same way
They disappeared into thin air
Never stopped to say bye

I went about trying to fill the void
The loneliness
Chocolates, Stephen King books
A lot of Nicholas Sparks
And plenty of John Green
And writing this stuff out
In a blog no one would notice
Maybe I’ll one day win a Gratiaen
Or a Commonwealth Writers prize
Or maybe I won’t
Who knows?

So I immerse myself in writing
To occupy my wandering mind
To fill me with a deep sense of purpose
That maybe all these feelings will one day lead to something wonderful
That I’ll be known for writing my heart out
And that I will finally be free
of this crippling intensity

Boys will be boys

A stolen glance
A flirtatious compliment
A text message that set my heart a-flutter
An almost-kiss
An “I love you” followed by you going completely off the radar
Telling me I look beautiful at a friend’s wedding
Telling me you don’t mind a girl who can’t walk
And filling me with a naive elation
I can surprisingly forgive you all
“Boys will be boys”
As horrible as it sounds,
You can get away with anything
Because you all are guys
Maybe that’s where I went wrong
Maybe I was trying to find love in a boy
When I should’ve been looking for a man
Maybe a man would call me beautiful and mean it
Maybe a man would kiss me like he wants to discover my soul
Maybe a man will be brave enough
To do something these boys never could
To love me for my soul
And not my body
For that, I’m still hopeful
I know one day my man shall come
Put back all my broken pieces together
And give me the love I was waiting all my life for