So I’ve given it a lot of thought and I decided that if I ever have a daughter she will be called Sunaina. The name is of Sanskrit origin and it has a nice musical ring to it. Sunaina roughly translates into “girl with beautiful eyes”. And you my darling will of course have the prettiest eyes. Hopefully you will have mommy’s eyes, it’s her best feature I’ve heard. Anyway sweetheart I’m writing this because I don’t know if we will ever get to meet. But it’s crazy how much I love you already and how many plans I have for you, for us. All around me my friends are having babies and yes the fever has caught up to me too. But I’ve always wanted kids. More specifically I have always wanted a cute little baby girl.
I have always wanted to feel you kick and turn in my belly, growing from a teeny tiny little thing to a big girl so fast, ready to meet me. I want to get ultrasounds and cry happy tears as I watch you grow, to hear your strong heartbeat, oh it would be the best thing I ever hear.
I know it’s cliche to dress girls in pink. But let me dress you up in pink, baby. At least till you are about 5 years old. Let me buy you teeny tiny booties and flowery headbands and cute little pieces of jewellery because mommy has already fantasized about these moments so much. So please I hope that one day you will forgive me because there was a time in my life when you were nothing short of an almost impossible dream, so far away and so unattainable, a time in mommy’s life when she would see little girls and weep silently because she was almost a hundred per cent sure that she would never feel the absolute, incomparable joy of holding her own baby in her arms. So please my darling, I hope you would forgive me for dressing you up in pink.
I want you to grow up proud of who you are, to be confident in yourself and embrace your flaws. Be emotional, empathetic. Love animals, be kind to them. Help others always. Listen to their problems, troubles and sadness. Then you will truly be able to appreciate and enjoy life more. Realize how lucky you are. Go on, fall in love. Date someone who is your total opposite. Who knows, life gives you miracles. It will only make you stronger if it goes wrong and if it goes right, you can celebrate your choices. I will be there for you either way. Come to me with a broken heart or come to me with a first kiss, I will cry with you and I will jump up and down with you either way.
Mommy wouldn’t be perfect sweetheart, but she will try her best. If it means that she gets to have you in her life, I promise you that she will be the best person she ever was and she will give you the best that she possibly can. I may not be able to play hide and seek with you or race you till our throats hurt from laughing and screaming. But mommy will love you. Mommy will try her best for the best thing that ever happened to her.
I love you my darling angel. I really hope that we get to meet one day and I can’t wait to see you
PS: “I” could be anyone out there struggling to have a baby. You are not alone…