Befuddled


We travelled in silence
Comfortable silence
The type that comes when you know
That talking isn’t necessary
To “keep him interested”
We had stopped somewhere
Maybe for a break
my head on his shoulder
Dozing off in peaceful comfort
I jerk awake
My eyes adjust
a wave of emptiness washes over me
as I continue to seek his warmth

Advertisements

The worst bit


You know, when it comes to being in love with you, the worst part is not the fact that I know you will never love me back. Or the fact that I have no idea why my feelings are still so strong for you. Or that I have to see you frequently and pretend that to me you are just another friend.

The worst part is you seeing me so goddamn vulnerable, helpless. The fact that you see me breathless after walking a significant distance, that you feel compelled to carry me across a certain place when it seems I can’t manage alone. When you help me push my wheelchair if I seem to have my arms full. When I’m having a panick attack.

Shit.

That is the worst thing about being in love with an athletic, active, good looking guy like you. The fact that you may feel sorry for me. That is messed up. What kind of girl would want to appear at her weakest in front of the guy she likes? I desperately wish to look glamorous in front of you. At least a bit graceful.

But. You know. I can’t. And that is sad