Twenty-five, Asian, disabled and looking for love


This list is compiled out of true stories I’ve heard and a few personal experiences in my journey to find love. Though not every single Asian is obviously like this, unfortunately there are quite a few of them around. Also, no offense intended

1. First of all, you should be lucky enough to find a guy who is man enough* to decide that you are someone awesome and that he genuinely, truly wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

2. Asian parents are too involved in their children’s lives. They almost always completely disapprove of their beloved son deciding to spend the rest of his life with a disabled girl.

3. His parents, siblings and even distant relatives may see you as a demonic entity whose sole intent in life is to destroy said guy’s life.

4. They will avoid you and never talk to you or acknowledge your presence at family gatherings.

5. His family will also talk passionately and in aggrieved tones about what an absolutely wonderful boy your S.O is in every possible way and lament the misfortune (you) that has befallen him right in front of your face.

6. Worse still, ancient aunts and neighbours might whisper, a little too loudly perhaps, that your S.O had to surely have sinned royally in his previous life to have deserved this fate (you) in this life.

7. If the two of you are brave enough to consider marriage, you will more than likely break several hearts, the first being your future MIL’s.

8. Marriage will most likely send your husband into exile as his family would probably disown him.

9. Already surrounded by guilt and doubt, you will begin to wonder whether you will be able to successfully raise a family with him owing to your disability.

10. If you are able to defy all odds and stay strong, united in your decision to be together, you and your S.O will likely have a very happy life together.

*I’m truly sorry to have resorted to using this phrase. But I don’t genuinely know how else to put it because guys, especially Asian guys (according to the many stories I’ve heard and my personal experiences) seem in need of growing a pair when it comes to dating a disabled girl.

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10 things that are better than being depressed


1. Being forced to watch Miley Cyrus having fun with a foam finger one hundred times, with your eyelids super-glued to your forehead and your arms and feet tied up.

2.  Being locked-up in a room with a magnified buzzing sound blaring out at you in loudspeakers.

3. Eating spoilt meat and having fluids come out of both ends of your body constantly until you end up shrivelled like a dried Maldive fish

4. Losing a bet and having to engrave “I’m a belieber” on your head during middle school

5. Being stranded on a desert island sorrounded by cannibals

6. The only option of staying alive is to marry this certain cannibal who’s being crushing on you ever since you set foot on said island

7. Listening to your roommate getting it on with a stranger every night for one whole week and having to calculate how long it takes before she reaches the big O so that you can stuff your ears with Play Doh

8. Being stuck in an elevator with someone who cannot stop farting

9. Having a sick child puke on your clothes in public transport

10. Being a professional armpit sniffer

As someone who’s been battling depression in secret for more than ten years, I know for a fact that depression is not to be taken lightly at any cost. Why I wrote this seemingly silly post about depression is not because I do not take it seriously, but if you examine these points closely you might realize that these are some pretty horrible stuff. Being depressed is even worse than all of these combined. Just thought I’d attempt being funny while trying to explain what a horrible monster depression can be 🙂

Dream


A furtive glance
fleeting in its pace
yet lingering out of desire
Every now and then I steal
Glances at you
I wish I could stop
You might notice
Everyone else might
But how can I when we’re constantly together
And when you smile
I have to tear my eyes away
This yearning I have
For everything that you are
From your amazing smile
To your compassionate soul
It’s destroying me
Because as real as you are
As close as we are
You are nothing but a dream
I close myself up
and let this loneliness envelop me

Her


I’ve been wanting to watch Her for quite some time but just couldn’t find the time. I was intrigued by its unusual plotline and portrayal of deep human emotions in such a subtle way. Halfway through the movie I found myself wishing that I too was an OS like Samantha. This probably sounds more than a little weird. I mean why would anyone even think that in the first place?

Being disabled is a very lonely business. No one- not even your parents- understand what you’re going through sometimes. It is also very lonely when it comes to finding love. People just don’t seem to find us interesting enough. Or maybe because we’re are disabled, they don’t find us attractive enough. I don’t know what exactly, but something always seems to put them off or hold them back. Sure there are disabled people who have found love and are happily married, even. But I’m talking about the majority who have not.

So, watching “Her” made me want to experience love in a totally zero judgement sort of way. You know what I mean? Samantha is not even real. She’s not judged by how her body is shaped or whether she can have babies or cook a delicious dinner. Theodore just falls for her, the personality which Samantha has and develops. For me that’s the truest form of affection. And by the end of the movie, I was actually jealous of Samantha for having been able to experience love so deeply and in such fundamental form. And she got to leave Theodore as gracefully as is possible for someone in her position, with minimal collateral damage. I too want to feel the kind of love that Samantha felt, to share the type of meaningful and fulfilling (more or less) relationship that she shared with Theodore.

I feel like I will never be loved so completely and fully without judgement as long as I remain disabled, which I will be till the day I leave this earth. So I wish I could be an OS like Samantha. Is it wrong? I think not…