You & I

I wish there was a world where only you and I exist. Where no one would look down on us, a world which allows us to be whoever or whatever we want to be. A world that would just let us live our lives. I wish there existed a world where only you and I live, so that we’d break no hearts, disappoint or let no one down. I wish we lived in a world where I could run my fingers through your hair and tell you how much I love you. A world where you and I could slow dance and no one would care. I wish we lived in a world where you and I could raise a family and everyone we know would rejoice at the sight of us. I wish this world was less cruel and judgemental and that its view of perfection was a little skewed. I wish.

Talking to you

There are so many things I wish I could tell you. Like how just a few hours back, I was outside just gazing at the night sky and there was this lone star twinkling in the sky and it made me think of you. I wish I could tell you that it made me think of you. I wish you and I were that simple, uncomplicated. It’s such a shame that we aren’t. Actually ‘we’ really don’t exist. There’s no you and I. Never was, I guess. There’s only me. And I wish I could talk to you about why you’re such an important part of my life no matter how much I try to ensure you aren’t. I wish you could help me figure this out. So that I can really, actually look for love in a place in which it really exists. But I’m afraid I can’t. Despite being adults. Despite my bursting at the seams with feelings for you which I just want to express and let go. But it’s never going to happen.

We have too much to lose. We see each other daily. We have a good friendship. Great mutual friends. My dignity if you may. What I don’t understand is why I am so beguiled by you. Why I am so attracted to you and why I care about your wellbeing so much. True, you are an awesome guy. And I’ve known many friends who’ve fallen for you. But for me it was a tad different. To me you were something more than a damn cute guy with brains and kindness to boot. I saw you as someone I could rely on. Someone who’d actually help another human being out of kindness without expecting anything in return. I got to see a side of you that others rarely did. To me you were the sweetheart who’d run up to me and carry my bag for me. Who would help me off a crowded bus slowly and patiently, and who actually thought and said I looked beautiful.

When you got drunk the other day, your silly antics rather than pissing me off, made me laugh. I thought you were being utterly childlike. And it was adorable. Knowing you had to drive back home, I wished there was a way for me to ensure you were safe.

I think it’s these things and more which sustain my feelings for you after all this time. And I really wish I could get it off my system by talking to you about all of this. But I can’t. At least I have this blog