I love it when
You’re sleeping on your side turned away from me and I just have to hold you…
…so I first run my fingers along your back to see if I’ll disturb you by waking you…
…and you just reach over and pull my arm over your body…
…then you lace your fingers through mine and go on sleeping…
Do you actually need validation to your beauty? Like I know that it’s all about looking pretty for yourself and how it is supposed to make YOU feel but do you actually need someone who appreciates how pretty you are or how put-together you look on a daily basis, even non-verbally? Maybe just look at you in a way that let’s you know you’re the most beautiful thing that person has ever seen? Are you ever supposed to get tired of looking good for yourself? You know that moment when you painstakingly select the right type of necklace to go with your outfit and then you suddenly become tired and wonder why you go through all of that? For a positive, healthy attitude? To feel good and for a confidence boost and what not? Is there a point when all these flowery, sunshine-y pick me ups get old and become just words? When you’re too tired of feeling good about yourself because of yourself?
Does that happen to anyone else?
The difference between you and him is that you took my heart in passing and made it soar to frightening heights, and then you let go and my heart fell to pieces on the ground whereas if I give him my heart he would cement it in place.
I’m someone who is restless who also hates monotony, I need someone who makes my heart soar. And it’s not often that you come across such people. That’s why you’ll always be a bit special to me. That’s why my heart will love you a little always and the mention of your name will bring a bittersweet smile to my lips.
I want you to live my story
taste it along my skin
the swell of my breasts
the flutter in my belly
and the pulse in my throat
To understand me
Inch by inch
With your lips
To coax it out of me with your fingertips
As I lie beneath you
Silently imploring you to heal me
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, the early morning light throwing soft shards of light across the floor and my body. I run my hands through my tangled curls, closing my eyes instinctively in memory of you buried in them last night. I open my eyes again and lean against the counter. I’m stark naked. A small smile plays on my lips as I run my forefinger along my left shoulder where you’ve left a little pink circle beginning to turn dark and I feel a tiny twinge of pain that gives me goosebumps in a very good way. These marks leave a trail starting from the left side of my neck and fade closer to my breast and I caress the marks, lost in what we did to each other and how you kissed those marks you made afterwards while whispering how sorry you are if it hurts, leaving me stunned and teary. I felt like we were in a languid dream, that if we ever let go of this embrace we’d have to wake up to a world we both dislike. And that’s how you fell asleep. One leg tangled over my body, face buried in my chest as I stared at you, unable to sleep. Not because you were warm or heavy but because I couldn’t believe that you’d given me the whole world in one single night. And how you marked me yours. In your deep sleep you didn’t hear me tell you that I love the scars you gave me because you’ve claimed me, mind, body and soul and baby I wouldn’t have it any other way. In a world where both of us are weighed down by the daily grind of work and monotony, you are my reprieve. As I’m yours. Getting lost in each other is the only way to leave the world behind and forget everything. And I love you for that.
My eyes fly open as I feel you pull me into your chest from behind and kiss my earlobe. You’ve caught me fantasising, I giggle as we look at each other in the mirror, both of us without a stitch of clothing, comfortable in each other’s vulnerability and content with our bodies. Every bit of self consciousness and insecurity melted away last night as we gave everything we got to each other.
You smile sleepily and tell me you’d love to hear my fantasy as you carry me back to bed and I feel your need for me throbbing again as I give myself up completely to languid bliss.
May this year bring you nothing but the best of everything. May your joys be increased and your sorrows gone, your troubles diminished and success be continuous. May your heart find love that’s incomparable and here to stay. Most of all may your soul find peace and satisfaction in everything you are now and everything you seek to become in this new year, may you find all the strength you need to achieve everything you seek and your decisions lead to nothing but happiness in 2016.
Happy New Year 2016
I don’t know what to do. I’ve been waiting for that one guy my whole life and then I find him, the one with whom I connect instantly, inexplicably and wordlessly. The guy who makes me smile just by looking at me. The caring thoughtful sweetheart who was always there for me. Except I knew I could never be his because he was already in a steady relationship.
Knowing this I fell for him. Hard. And fought with every bit of strength in me to get over him. To not fall any deeper. I tried falling for someone else. Tried pretending to crush on someone. Then I met someone with whom I actually connected. Things were great until he started talking about going on a date with me. I was hesitant because I barely knew him. Then one thing led to another and he ended up sexting me. Just words thank God. I was pretty turned on by that point and eagerly dove into his messages only to realise that I felt nothing at all. Nothing. Zero.
Instead it made me miss him. And I wished that it was he who was telling me all of this.
I’ve heard that in life you come across a person to whom your soul belongs. Whether as a partner, friend or sibling and that this person would always be special, would always have a different relationship with you from the rest and that you just cannot find that with anyone else.
Is it him? I really hope not.