Befuddled


We travelled in silence
Comfortable silence
The type that comes when you know
That talking isn’t necessary
To “keep him interested”
We had stopped somewhere
Maybe for a break
my head on his shoulder
Dozing off in peaceful comfort
I jerk awake
My eyes adjust
a wave of emptiness washes over me
as I continue to seek his warmth

The worst bit


You know, when it comes to being in love with you, the worst part is not the fact that I know you will never love me back. Or the fact that I have no idea why my feelings are still so strong for you. Or that I have to see you frequently and pretend that to me you are just another friend.

The worst part is you seeing me so goddamn vulnerable, helpless. The fact that you see me breathless after walking a significant distance, that you feel compelled to carry me across a certain place when it seems I can’t manage alone. When you help me push my wheelchair if I seem to have my arms full. When I’m having a panick attack.

Shit.

That is the worst thing about being in love with an athletic, active, good looking guy like you. The fact that you may feel sorry for me. That is messed up. What kind of girl would want to appear at her weakest in front of the guy she likes? I desperately wish to look glamorous in front of you. At least a bit graceful.

But. You know. I can’t. And that is sad

You & I


I wish there was a world where only you and I exist. Where no one would look down on us, a world which allows us to be whoever or whatever we want to be. A world that would just let us live our lives. I wish there existed a world where only you and I live, so that we’d break no hearts, disappoint or let no one down. I wish we lived in a world where I could run my fingers through your hair and tell you how much I love you. A world where you and I could slow dance and no one would care. I wish we lived in a world where you and I could raise a family and everyone we know would rejoice at the sight of us. I wish this world was less cruel and judgemental and that its view of perfection was a little skewed. I wish.